I smell a massacre, seems to be the only way to back you bastards up

SHITFUCKGODDAMN.

i have no prejudices. i hate everyone equally.

on another note, i am trying to pull an all-nighter so i can get work done. the work bit is not happening, thanks to fanfiction and supernatural.

also, i have the distinct misfortune as to forget to take my birth control some days, and i try to make up for it by taking two pills in one day. i'm hormonal, crazy, and quite possibly going to make poor life choices in the future if my hoohah has any say. hopefully my good sense will kick in before that happens.

i miss my big.

And I'll be your girl if you say it's a gift and you give me some more of your drugs

I write about sex a lot, I've noticed. I don't really know why, since it doesn't figure into my life a whole helluva lot. Sadly. I haven't really had any kind of good/pleasing experience with sex, so I don't really understand what all the hubbub is about. The only good sexual experience I had, I was really drunk, and it really shouldn't have happened with the person it happened with.

I'm really quite indifferent to the whole experience, despite the amount that I talk/complain about it. More like I have no real feeling towards it whatsoever. Yeah, I can think about it and have my little fantasies and whatnot, but when it happens in reality... nothing.

So I focus on other things, like my unhealthy obsession with Star Wars and my unhealthy attraction to a fictional character. Granted, this character is Han Solo, but he's fictional. And I need to get a good grip on reality and get a real life. Unfortunately fantasy world is a much nicer place. I don't have to be me.

In other news, my Big/best friend is leaving the country until May. I don't really know what I'll do without her. She pulls me out of my shell and out of my room. As much as I love my pledgesisters, very few of them make me want to hang out with them. Especially when they shit talk me to one of my best friends and teammates. Bitch.

But my Big is leaving the country. It shall be lonely without her, but I hope she has a fantabulous time. And that the Latin lovers don't give her AIDS.

Also, I have just started my 4th semester of college. I had a review day in one class, and the other class got cancelled. It's about to be a snowpocalypse tomorrow/this week, so here's to hoping that more classes are cancelled.

The school is having Greek life sign-ups this week, which means we will soon get pledges, and my pledge class and I can stop being the sorority's bitches. We'll have new girls to fill that role. And, despite the fact that I haven't shaved my legs since Christmas because of swimming and that I have zero chance regardless, here's to hoping I make poor life choices on Bid Night. Preferably with someone good-looking. And I won't see for a long time to save myself some embarrassment.

We're a happy family, me, mom, and daddy.

When I was in elementary school, my parents got divorced. I don't really want to get into the details but my dad fucked things up. So, he moved out and got an apartment in Dallas, so he'd be closer to his work (and, presumably) his new girlfriend. Beyond being really sad that my parents were no longer together, nothing really changed. He was never home, because he worked at a restaurant and would come home after I went to sleep, and be gone before I went to school.

So, basically, I never really got to see my dad.

Eventually, he got a new job at another restaurant, and he got Sundays off, so my dad would drive and pick up my brother and I, and he'd hang out with us, or we'd go to his place and hang out. Eventually, I began to see my dad more often now that he didn't live with us than I did when he was just down the hall.

When I was in high school, he got a puppy, and right after 10th grade, he bought a house in the town where I lived with my mom and my brother. Everyone told me he got the house to be closer to us, but, reall,y he got it so that the dog would have a yard. Not that I'm jealous of a canine or anything.

The next summer, I got my license, and my dad bought me a car. So, I did my daughterly duty and drove to his house everyday after school to let the dogs out, and on Sunday nights, I'd go over there, sometimes with my brother, to stay at his place.

Now, I'm in my second year of college. I hardly get to go home because swim practice takes up all of my time, and I rarely get a weekend off. When I moved back home after my freshman year, I found out an interesting fact: My dad had a 22 year old girlfriend. I'm nineteen, and turning twenty in a five months. Yeah, nothing about that situation is weird.

Fast forward to now. I'm on fall break, which is basically only a three-day weekend. My dad knows I'm in town until Sunday. He knows I stay at his place on Saturday nights. He knows that I can hardly ever come home because of my schedule. He knows he only has one day off a week. But it's 2 AM, and where is he? Fuck if I know. All I know is that his girlfriend's car is in the driveway, my brother left with my cousin a few hours ago, and I'm home alone at his place with the dogs. Like always.

Yeah, we're a happy family alright.

I’ll put that box inside another box then I’ll mail that box to myself and then when that box arrives, I’ll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!

I think that aptly describes my feelings right now.

I move back to school tomorrow. Er, well, today, I guess. I can't sleep because I'm anxious that I'll forget something, so I keep adding to my ever growing list of things I need to pack despite the fact that I'm quickly running out of boxes. And by quickly running out, I mean My last box is pretty much full.

And don't get me started on all the crap I need to go and buy! Face wash, a new toothbrush, toothpaste, pads, tampons, sticky wall hangy things, food, cleaning supplies, printer paper, school supplies, and other such annoyances.

SHIT!! I need to find my English books!!!

SHIT!!! I HAVE NO WHERE TO PUT MY ENGLISH BOOKS!!!

I just want a teleporter so that I can shove all my crap in it and it will go directly to my dorm and be exactly where it needs to be. There is no way I'll be able to fit 10 boxes, a fridge, two rugs, two sets of plastic drawers, and metal drawers into a Toyota Corolla and a Volkwagen Rabbit.

Can't I just go to school and get drunk with my friends already?

Boys, Boys, Boys (we love them!)

While I may be leaving my teenage years in a few months, I still have teenage urges. Cravings. Desires. Every once in a while (read: all the damn time), I fall into this funk and get this itch that I just need to scratch.

In other words, I start to feel as horny as a 17-year-old boy with a porno mag.

Sadly, while there are plenty of boys around me at any given moment, they are all either under the age of 13, or I'm related to them. Both cases would land me in jail.

So you see my problem? Many itches, but no scratching! I could use a good scratching!

It's times like these when I could use a boyfriend. Or someone to regularly hook up with. Or a vibrator.

Resistance is Futile

Behold: the power of chlorine!

Nothing can withstand its mighty powers! Not nail polish, not manicures! Not hair, nor clothes, nor skin! Even the soles of your sneakers are not safe! Chlorine will erode them all away until there's nothing left!

Behold, ye mighty and despair!

In other news, I need a new manicure, new sneakers, and a shower. That chlorine stink just doesn't want to go away, and it's wreaking havoc on my skin and hair. Blech.

I hate working/living at a pool.

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!

Birth control is weird. Technically, I'm taking it to help clear up my acne, but it's also supposed to be helpful in controlling annoying periods and preventing pregnancy (kinda).

Unfortunately, Yaz has some undesired side affects. Like making me sleep all the damn time. Or have periods between my periods. Or gain weight in places I don't want it (like my stomach). Or make me crazy.

I sleep a lot normally, but even since I started Yaz, all I've done is sleep. I wake up in the morning (so not feeling like P. Diddy), go to practice, go to work, come home at noon, and sleep until 5. Then I wake up (again, not feeling like P.Diddy), go back to work, come home at 9, eat dinner, then go back to sleep. Repeat 5 days a week. Saturdays, I wake up at 6 AM, go to work until 2:30, think about sleeping, then usually go party with friends 'til ridiculous hours of the night, then sleep until noon the next day. I come home, run errands with padre, nap for an hour or two, go get dinner, then go home and sleep. Moral of the story, it's not natural to sleep this much.

The whole periods between periods thing is just plain annoying. I mean, I know spotting is supposed to be normal, especially if you decide to go and skip your period, but I've been spotting for the entire month of June. Highly inconvenient, especially if you're in the mood for poor life choices. I started taking Yaz to stop my whole getting two periods a month problem, so what the fuck, Yaz? Work with me here.

I've been (unsuccessfully) trying to lose weight in my stomach for a while now. Ever since pledgeship ended, I haven't had a strict workout that I've been forced to do, and I'm not entirely motivated to work out on my own. So, ever since the middle of April, I've been steadily losing that flat stomach I earned during pledgeship. The birth control hasn't helped. It's made it difficult to lose any weight anywhere. The only plus to the whole weight gain thing is that my boobs are getting bigger. Yay!

Then comes the crazy. Before B.C., I didn't really get mood swings outside of PMS. Now, I get depressed or angry at a drop of a hat. Don't get me started on how horny I am all the time now.

So, in conclusion, please Yaz, I want to continue taking you, really I do. But I need you to start working with me. Stop with the negatives and let me get on with the poor life choices, dammit!