We're a happy family, me, mom, and daddy.

When I was in elementary school, my parents got divorced. I don't really want to get into the details but my dad fucked things up. So, he moved out and got an apartment in Dallas, so he'd be closer to his work (and, presumably) his new girlfriend. Beyond being really sad that my parents were no longer together, nothing really changed. He was never home, because he worked at a restaurant and would come home after I went to sleep, and be gone before I went to school.

So, basically, I never really got to see my dad.

Eventually, he got a new job at another restaurant, and he got Sundays off, so my dad would drive and pick up my brother and I, and he'd hang out with us, or we'd go to his place and hang out. Eventually, I began to see my dad more often now that he didn't live with us than I did when he was just down the hall.

When I was in high school, he got a puppy, and right after 10th grade, he bought a house in the town where I lived with my mom and my brother. Everyone told me he got the house to be closer to us, but, reall,y he got it so that the dog would have a yard. Not that I'm jealous of a canine or anything.

The next summer, I got my license, and my dad bought me a car. So, I did my daughterly duty and drove to his house everyday after school to let the dogs out, and on Sunday nights, I'd go over there, sometimes with my brother, to stay at his place.

Now, I'm in my second year of college. I hardly get to go home because swim practice takes up all of my time, and I rarely get a weekend off. When I moved back home after my freshman year, I found out an interesting fact: My dad had a 22 year old girlfriend. I'm nineteen, and turning twenty in a five months. Yeah, nothing about that situation is weird.

Fast forward to now. I'm on fall break, which is basically only a three-day weekend. My dad knows I'm in town until Sunday. He knows I stay at his place on Saturday nights. He knows that I can hardly ever come home because of my schedule. He knows he only has one day off a week. But it's 2 AM, and where is he? Fuck if I know. All I know is that his girlfriend's car is in the driveway, my brother left with my cousin a few hours ago, and I'm home alone at his place with the dogs. Like always.

Yeah, we're a happy family alright.

I’ll put that box inside another box then I’ll mail that box to myself and then when that box arrives, I’ll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!

I think that aptly describes my feelings right now.

I move back to school tomorrow. Er, well, today, I guess. I can't sleep because I'm anxious that I'll forget something, so I keep adding to my ever growing list of things I need to pack despite the fact that I'm quickly running out of boxes. And by quickly running out, I mean My last box is pretty much full.

And don't get me started on all the crap I need to go and buy! Face wash, a new toothbrush, toothpaste, pads, tampons, sticky wall hangy things, food, cleaning supplies, printer paper, school supplies, and other such annoyances.

SHIT!! I need to find my English books!!!

SHIT!!! I HAVE NO WHERE TO PUT MY ENGLISH BOOKS!!!

I just want a teleporter so that I can shove all my crap in it and it will go directly to my dorm and be exactly where it needs to be. There is no way I'll be able to fit 10 boxes, a fridge, two rugs, two sets of plastic drawers, and metal drawers into a Toyota Corolla and a Volkwagen Rabbit.

Can't I just go to school and get drunk with my friends already?

Boys, Boys, Boys (we love them!)

While I may be leaving my teenage years in a few months, I still have teenage urges. Cravings. Desires. Every once in a while (read: all the damn time), I fall into this funk and get this itch that I just need to scratch.

In other words, I start to feel as horny as a 17-year-old boy with a porno mag.

Sadly, while there are plenty of boys around me at any given moment, they are all either under the age of 13, or I'm related to them. Both cases would land me in jail.

So you see my problem? Many itches, but no scratching! I could use a good scratching!

It's times like these when I could use a boyfriend. Or someone to regularly hook up with. Or a vibrator.

Resistance is Futile

Behold: the power of chlorine!

Nothing can withstand its mighty powers! Not nail polish, not manicures! Not hair, nor clothes, nor skin! Even the soles of your sneakers are not safe! Chlorine will erode them all away until there's nothing left!

Behold, ye mighty and despair!

In other news, I need a new manicure, new sneakers, and a shower. That chlorine stink just doesn't want to go away, and it's wreaking havoc on my skin and hair. Blech.

I hate working/living at a pool.

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!

Birth control is weird. Technically, I'm taking it to help clear up my acne, but it's also supposed to be helpful in controlling annoying periods and preventing pregnancy (kinda).

Unfortunately, Yaz has some undesired side affects. Like making me sleep all the damn time. Or have periods between my periods. Or gain weight in places I don't want it (like my stomach). Or make me crazy.

I sleep a lot normally, but even since I started Yaz, all I've done is sleep. I wake up in the morning (so not feeling like P. Diddy), go to practice, go to work, come home at noon, and sleep until 5. Then I wake up (again, not feeling like P.Diddy), go back to work, come home at 9, eat dinner, then go back to sleep. Repeat 5 days a week. Saturdays, I wake up at 6 AM, go to work until 2:30, think about sleeping, then usually go party with friends 'til ridiculous hours of the night, then sleep until noon the next day. I come home, run errands with padre, nap for an hour or two, go get dinner, then go home and sleep. Moral of the story, it's not natural to sleep this much.

The whole periods between periods thing is just plain annoying. I mean, I know spotting is supposed to be normal, especially if you decide to go and skip your period, but I've been spotting for the entire month of June. Highly inconvenient, especially if you're in the mood for poor life choices. I started taking Yaz to stop my whole getting two periods a month problem, so what the fuck, Yaz? Work with me here.

I've been (unsuccessfully) trying to lose weight in my stomach for a while now. Ever since pledgeship ended, I haven't had a strict workout that I've been forced to do, and I'm not entirely motivated to work out on my own. So, ever since the middle of April, I've been steadily losing that flat stomach I earned during pledgeship. The birth control hasn't helped. It's made it difficult to lose any weight anywhere. The only plus to the whole weight gain thing is that my boobs are getting bigger. Yay!

Then comes the crazy. Before B.C., I didn't really get mood swings outside of PMS. Now, I get depressed or angry at a drop of a hat. Don't get me started on how horny I am all the time now.

So, in conclusion, please Yaz, I want to continue taking you, really I do. But I need you to start working with me. Stop with the negatives and let me get on with the poor life choices, dammit!

You know what they do to guys like us in prison

First, a haiku:

I love sisters

But sometimes they are stupid

And get arrested.

My pledge sisters mean the world to me. They're some of my best friends, and I really do think of them as sisters. But they can be total dumbasses.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm perfect and have never done stupid things. I do them all the time, be it drinking too much, saying or doing something stupid, taking off clothes at parties, or making poor life choices with boys that I really shouldn't make poor life choices with.

But I've never done anything that could warrant jail time.

I have a kind of situational ethics-outlook on things, but I generally have a no-no on theft. I can overlook a friend staling from the school store or from supply closets, because we pay a shit-ton of money to go to our college, we might as well milk it for all it's worth. But I tend to draw the line at shoplifting from businesses.

One of my sisters (forever to be known here as Dancing Bull) stole us matching bracelets from Wal-Mart. I didn't care too much, because they were cheap string friendship bracelets, and they were only a dollar each.

Two more of my sisters (Lost in Translation and Heart Droppin') stole a bunch of paint pens from a hobby store earlier this summer. I don't really care about that either, because I want to freaking paint pen.

But today, I got a text from a sister (Bond S3) saying that Naked Eyes and Crispe Bacon! were missing, and probably got arrested. Bond asked for a vote from all the sorority members if they were okay with using our sorority funds to bail them out. At the time, I had no idea what had happened and assumed the worst, like they got in trouble for drugs or alcohol, which seemed likely. I was all for using the sorority money. I wanted my sisters safe.

Then, after texting my other sisters asking if they knew why Naked and Bacon! would get arrested, I get a text from Dancing Bull saying they got caught stealing over $50 worth of merch from Wal-Mart. My opinion about using sorority money quickly changed. If they were gonna be stupid enough to try and steal that much crap from Wal-Mart, when they both had jobs and could most likely pay for their crap, then once we paid to bail them out, they had better plan on paying back the cost of bail. I'm glad that they are now free (as of 11:20 PM), but I would like to start the school year with money in the sorority funds, and I don't want to pay a shit-ton for semester dues.

Especially when our treasurer is a bitch who still doesn't like me.

EDIT 6/28/10:

Just found out they were caught with their new roommate trying to shoplift over $150 worth of merchandise. Again, dumbasses.

Don't touch mah purse!

They say that a woman's purse is sacred, a holy relic that holds the most important things to a girl. Supposedly, you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents for her purse. If that's true, I have no idea what mine says about me.

1) Supernatural: Bone Key -- I get bored easily. Sometimes, when I make it to work more that 15 minutes early, I need something to keep me occupied, because sleeping on the metal benches isn't comfortable, and I don't really want to watch the club swim team practice. Plus, I really love the show Supernatural.

2) Coaches Time Sheet -- This is how I get paid. There's two of them here, because I wanted to be paid every two weeks and you fill out one sheet per week. Unfortunately, it's easier for my boss to pay me monthly, so I get to hold onto these, plus two others so he can't lose them. You can't really read it from here, but I worked 29.5 hours in 5 days on the top sheet.. That is too much time near a pool.

3) Hair ties -- I think that is self explanatory. I get hot easily and need to put my hair up. Sometimes I break the rubber bands, so I always carry extras.

4) Corner Bakery Cafe receipt -- Obviously, I need to eat. And I never remember to throw my trash away.

5) Ray Bans sunglasses (Wayfarers) -- Because, sometimes when I'm driving and trying to see despite the sun, I like to look like a hipster.

6) Cell phone -- I use it to communicate, hold short notes, and constantly check the time when I am coaching, counting down the minutes 'til I'm done.

1) Receipt from the City of Van Alstyne Municipal Court -- Proof that I can sometimes be responsible and take care of tickets/defensive driving.

2) Birth control -- For controlling unwanted birthing and having two periods a month. Also helps with acne.

3) iTouch -- Because I need music when I drive/work out/go anywhere. This is usually plugged into my car.

4) Lip gloss -- Sometimes, I need my huge lips to stand out even more and draw attention to their kissable-ness. In actuality, it kinda just makes my lips sticky and annoying. Plus, it doesn't taste good.

5) Receipt for MG's -- Home of the second best burger place I have ever eaten. Located in Sherman. There are all you can eat burgers on Saturdays, which the swim team and I make a point to go to after a Saturday practice. I can usually down two.

6) $80 -- this is supposed to pay to get a new sticker thingy for my car. Obviously, I have yet to do that. I'm waiting for my dad to break and get it done for me. It's his money anyway.

7) Chap Stick -- Because I have chapped/dry lips.

8) $0.53 -- Left over from buying snacks at the vending machine during work. Peanut M&M's cost $0.65. I don't remember where the pennies are from.

9) Sunscreen samples -- from when I worked at the Byron Nelson Championship in May. I haven't really cleaned out my purse in a while...

1 & 6) Travel toothbrush and toothpaste -- Because sometimes, when you wind up waking up in someone else's house, you don't want to have morning breath. Also, I sometimes don't have time in the mornings to brush my teeth at home, so I do it at work.

2) Allergy eye drops -- Because I am either allergic to summertime or my cat, and my eyes get swollen, burn-y, dry, and itchy.

3 & 5) Purple lighters -- I don't actually smoke (usually). I was lighter pledge for my sorority, so I always had to have a lighter on me. Number 5 was the one I carried during pledgeship; number 3 I found when I went to Lake Campus earlier in the summer. It looked cool, and it was purple. It was only natural that I steal it.

4) Sunblock -- Usually, I burn extremely easily. Another by-product of inheriting all of my dad's whiteness. This summer, I've managed to tan, but I still get a bit sunburnt, so I try to remember to slather a bit of this on to avoid that. Usually it's on my left arm, because I drive with my windows open, and always wind up tanner/more burnt on that side.

So those are the contents of my purse. Please, let me know what they tell about me.